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A week ago, I was at the nail salon for an appointment after a tough morning. My manicurist and I were having a light and friendly conversation as she worked. Getting my nails done is something that makes me feel like a new woman, and after the morning I had, I needed it. As she was finishing up my manicure, another nail technician that works at the salon came in on her day off with her (I believe) eight year old daughter. The last time I had been in the salon for my manicure that same woman and daughter walked in as well, so this was not my first encounter with this young lady. This little girl is a hoot, an amazing ray of light who makes me smile when she is in the salon. She is spunky and talkative; she is a girl who knows what she wants and tells it like it is.
After my last few interactions with her, I was happy to see her walk into the door that day.
She was standing between my manicurist and the one next to us and was chatty as
usual. I started engaging in the conversation and we chatted back and forth. This was
maybe the third or fourth time I had seen her in the nail salon, and I thought she would
recognize me, but I wasn't certain. She was shooting off orders about how she wanted her nails done and the color she was thinking about having them painted. Listening to her trying to convince my manicurist and the one next to us that she “didn’t pick the paint off last time, they just came off!” made me giggle to myself. I told her that I thought she
was hysterical and then added, “don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.” She was confused by this, so I just explained to her that I see her as a girl who knows what she wants; she’s confident, happy and is a really a very nice little girl. I told her to always stay true to herself and never let anyone make you feel differently. She shrugged and said “okay” and then bounced off to pick out her nail polish.
I looked at my manicurist and smiled, "that she is such a sweet and sassy little
girl and I hope that she can hold onto that as long as possible." It’s funny how our perspective of little girls’ personalities have changed over the years. I am thankful that they have changed because it has changed for the better. When I was growing up and even into my adult years, society would look at a outspoken little girl and refer to her as bossy, demanding or stubborn. Now, we raise these little girls and we call them future leaders.
I had that sparkle when I was her age, and I had that sparkle for most of my life. At
some point I started to lose that sparkle. As I got closer to turning 40, I realized how much I had lost it and I wanted to get it back. Going through a traumatic relationship, losing my mother, struggling with my health, all while watching my desire to have children and a family fly out the window completely dulled my sparkle. In fact, it was almost completely gone. I wanted that sparkle to come back. I missed who I was years prior. I missed who I was before I started to believe that I wasn’t good enough, as I was told for years in my relationship. I missed who I was when I would spend time with my mom. I missed who I was before I let the struggle in my relationship impact my health the way it had. I missed who I was when I felt like the world was my oyster. I decided to work on shining myself up again; to bring back the sparkle I had always had and I continue to work on this every day. Sometimes things happen that make my light dim a little bit, but I work to use my
self-care tools to bring it back again and again.
When my mother was alive, I had more support from her than I knew what to do with.
She was a mom that lifted me up and encouraged me for years, in all stages of life. If there was something that I was interested in or wanted to try, she was right there with me finding a way to get me involved in it or doing it alongside me. She would hug me when my feelings were hurt and would tell me that everything would be okay. Her passing taught me that I am strong, and I can do things myself without assistance. I wish more than anything that she never died when she did, but I truly think that when she left this earth, she left some of her strength with me so I could make the moves in my life that I needed to make. I am not saying that her being gone is the reason why I have made so many changes in my life, but I am saying that her being gone forced me to figure out how to do it on my own
and I am grateful that she instilled that strength in me. I love her so very much and miss her
every day.
When I say "sparkle", I'm referring to a kind of inner light that makes someone special and unique. When I say, "Don't let anyone dull your sparkle", it is a reminder to not let
negativity affect you. Your sparkle represents your joy, confidence, and unique qualities
that make you who you are. It's about staying true to yourself and not letting negativity diminish your shine. Everyone has their own sparkle, and it's important to protect it
and let it shine brightly, no matter what others say or do.
Life has been particularly tough since I turned 40 in November 2023, but not so tough that it has completely derailed my progress. Progress—that’s an important word. I truly believe in progress over perfection. For many years, when I was in the height of a traumatic marriage and then also years before when I was struggling with my mental health in college, I was obsessed with perfection. I felt as though if I were perfect (both in college and my marriage) the bad things that seemed to be happening would stop. In December of 2021, I made the decision that things were going to start going differently in my life. I made the decision that I would stop (or do my best) obsessing over being perfect and work harder on being myself and celebrating the progress that I was making and the progression that was taking part of my everyday life. Being perfect isn’t unique or special, your progress and personal wins in life are what make you who you are. I would much rather be a work in progress than be on a pillar with someone waiting for me to fall off. I thought 40 was going to be a reawakening, it was going to be a new me and life would be so different. To be honest, I use to fantasize that way about a lot of milestones in my life. The first few months of this new decade were rough, really, rough. I began to get down on myself because what was supposed to be the 'brand-new Heather' wasn’t going as planned. Once I allowed myself to feel those feelings, I made the decision to get back up and not let it keep me down. I made the decision that this was going to become my era of enlightenment. I was going to handle these difficult things better than ever before and I did. When I changed my perception of my situation and how I was handling it, my sparkle started to shine through again—and that is a lesson that will live with me longer than anything else. Progress over perfection, doing my best each and every day. Asking for help when I need it. Leaning on my family and others close to me in times of crisis. Going through those couple of months of extreme sorrow helped me appreciate the days ahead. No one can ever take away core things that make me who I am, they can’t dull my sparkle if I don’t let them.
I look forward to a wonderful future that I know is ahead of me and I have realized that I am the only person that can determine my life and how I live it. Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle. Don’t let anyone take away your joy. Thank you to all of you that remind me that my sparkle is worth fighting for.
-Heather